


A Place to Retire

by inadistantworld



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: I don't know what to tag this as, Shepard has a few revelations, and basically spends her entire life in some existential crisis, other than like, which you know same
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 21:30:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11113257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inadistantworld/pseuds/inadistantworld
Summary: She won the apartment from Ahern, she didn't realize there was a lesson behind it until later though.





	A Place to Retire

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes I just get a lot of emotions about the original trilogy

Ahern had laughed and smiled when he gave her the apartment, but as she turned around she noticed a strange look of pity. It was that look that made her inspect her new apartment so thoroughly, that wasn’t the look you gave someone who had just taken your retirement home. The laughter had been understandable, the kindness, the happiness to have seen such a spectacular display. A bet lost in a fair way. But pity? Pity wasn’t right.

But there was nothing to be wary of, the apartment was fine, beautiful even. Comfortable, it had everything someone needed to live there, and a gorgeous view on top of all that.

Despite this, Shepard let it gather dust for the most part. She saved a lot of money on her bills, the lights were never on, she didn’t even think the oven was hooked up, nobody was running water, the air conditioner was off. It was a nice respite for a few nights, sleeping in a comfortable bed rather than an Alliance issued one (even the bed of a Commander wasn’t very nice), a view that didn’t change, she even had real, non-regulation clothes in the closet. But by noon at the latest she was too antsy to stay any longer.

She only went one time after they defeated Saren and before she was reconstructed by Cerberus. She took Liara with her, they spent a weekend at the apartment, just the two of them. Shepard even joked about retiring and staying there with Liara, away from all the mess. The words aren’t even out of her mouth before she’s thinking about how she can’t, how the geth are too much of a problem and the Reapers are coming. Even if no one believes they’re coming. After that she starts counting down the hours until she can be back on her ship again, doing what needs to be done.

The Illusive Man doesn’t react well when she goes again, but she goes anyways. She doesn’t take orders from him, they’re simply working together because nobody else will listen.

It’s been long forgotten and the air is heavy with lost time. She stands in the doorway for a few minutes, takes enough steps forward to see the window that takes up one whole wall and looks out at the view. She feels like she’s suffocating in this empty, silent, hollow place and she has to leave before she breaks down.

That is the worst part in the Illusive Man’s opinion, all that time and those resources wasted, and for what? But Shepard knows she needed to see it. She needed a foothold in her old life and somewhere to go back to when this was all over.

She doesn’t go back after they take care of the Collectors and she’s all but dishonorably discharged, she’s sure she could if she asked. It would be easier for the Alliance if she disappeared to some distant planet nobody knew and lived in her empty apartment; it’d be easier for her too. But she never cared about making things easy.

Instead she stays on Earth, trying to get people to understand. They say they do, but they don’t. It only makes her louder, angrier. Eventually they stop listening entirely. When she thinks of the apartment she waves it off, always saying she has more to do, she’ll go later.

In all honesty the mere thought of the apartment makes her freeze up. After so long she finally understands why Ahern gave it to her in the first place and why he looked at her with pity as she left. The apartment was a constant reminder that she would never be done. The promise of some nice future in the distance, but every time she would think of it she would know she couldn’t have it. Ahern had meant it when he said that he’d retire when he was dead. Shepard doesn’t want that to be her, but every time she looks at the picture of her and Liara there and remembers the promise she made to live there when it was all over, she gets a little closer to laughing at the thought.

She all but forgets the apartment after Earth, there just isn’t much time for wishful thinking. When James is invited into the N7 program she thinks about passing it on to him, she learned her lesson with it maybe he would learn his. The words are on the tip of her tongue, some fake bet, a spar or something where she puts it on the table for him as a tempting option he can’t turn down, and then she stops. What a cruel lesson, Vega didn’t need something like that. He needed to know that he would fight his battles and win and then one day he would actually retire. Shepard was going to make it so that he could do that. Secretly she doesn’t want to give up the apartment, there’s still a piece of hope that she and Liara will go back.

In one of the few moments she can breathe, Liara reminds her about the weekend they took. They joke about running away and letting the Council do things their damn selves for once.

They don’t bring it up again.

The final attack comes and she’s in the Catalyst, Anderson’s been shot, the Illusive Man lies dead, and she’s in more pain than she’s ever been in (and most of her life consisted of her being shot). But she’s done it. She’s activated the Catalyst and it’s finally over.

She painfully sits down beside Anderson’s body, watching Earth and feeling her end finally coming near. Her shirt is damp and sticks to her uncomfortably, maybe from sweat, maybe it’s blood, she doesn’t know anymore. She coughs weakly, her body screaming in protest as she does. She can taste blood in her mouth, her body aches, she limped the whole way, her head is pounding, and God knows how much blood she’s lost. But she did it. She saved everyone she could, she stopped the Reapers, she did the impossible, and there’s nothing else she can do. Even if she could find something, it wouldn’t live up to this moment. Let Vega handle the heavy lifting now, a retirement was in order.

Staring out the window at Earth, huge red splotches covering her home, she’s reminded of the first time she visited her apartment, still high on the victory and suspicious of what might be hiding. The relief of taking a seat on the couch, her feet aching, and just staring out the window at the red-orange planet in front of her. What a nice, quiet place to spend the rest of her life.

She closes her eyes and tilts her head back, her breaths are short and shallow, and she thinks about how the next time she sees Liara she’s going to live up to her promise. They’re going to run away and never be seen again.

“Shepard,” Hackett’s voice says in her ear, yanking her from her dream, “Shepard it didn’t work.”

She takes a deep breath, pushing herself up while her body tries to fight against it, just wanting to give up, to be done already. “What do you need me to do?”

She’ll retire after this.


End file.
